alivealone
by Prince Jun
Summary: Komaeda-kun was not what you would call a happy kid. (major SDR2 spoilers!)


he aches.

it isn't physical. it isn't burning muscles after a long run or a pounding head. it isn't something he can fix with a pill or a good night's sleep.

no. what komaeda feels is the pain of being alive. being alone.

it makes him feel almost numb to physical discomfort. he doesn't notice - or just doesn't care - when faceless bodies bump into him, push him aside. he doesn't mind when someone knocks him to the ground. he doesn't mind. he doesn't mind. all these people...it's the closest he gets to company. what bothers him is not the fact that so many people don't notice him.

what bothers him is so many people forget him. what bothers him is he's lonely.

* * *

nobody visits him in the hospital. every day the nurses ask him, "does your family know you're here?"

"no, ma'am, i don't have a family."

"don't you want your friends to come see you?"

and the word makes his eyes sting as he gives them an almost bitter smile. "no, ma'am, i don't have friends."

nobody ever asks, "are you important to anybody?"

komaeda never answers, "no. i don't matter."

but if such a thing happened, maybe they would finally pull the plug.

* * *

komaeda nagito is afraid.

he looks up at the looming building - hope's peak academy. it is not where he should be. he doesn't belong at a school for the best of the best of the best. he's here because of luck.

super high-school level good luck. what a joke.

he saw the names and titles of his soon-to-be classmates. he knows they all have something he doesn't: talent. an actual skill. they didn't get in by mere chance. komaeda hasn't even stepped through the gates and already he feels like an outcast.

eventually he slips into the sea of people as though he fits right in, but nagito knows better. he knows he does not belong.

* * *

he already feels like he'd be better off dead. not for his sake, necessarily, but for the others'. komaeda doesn't even compare to, say, togami or kuzuryuu. even koizumi, who arguably has the weakest talent of them all, is far above nagito. it's a normal school life, and he shouldn't feel like this, but he feels like a burden. like he's just a hinderance.  
if his classmates were a corpse, he'd be the weight dragging them to the bottom of the ocean.

* * *

it is with junko enoshima that komaeda almost feels like he's worth something.

junko is odd, certainly, but strangely pleasant company. her sister mukuro is as well; she is quiet, stoic, almost the complete opposite of junko, and the contrast between them is almost comforting.

they keep so many secrets from him, though. komaeda doesn't mention it, because it is clearly none of his business, but he can't help but wonder.

eventually they let him in.

"komaeda-kun~!" junko says. she's taken on her 'cute' persona for the day. there are so many enoshima junkos that it can be hard to keep track of them all.

"komaeda-kun," she repeats, "mukuro-chan and i have some things to tell you~!"

mukuro still bears the serious face befitting for her talent, but komaeda can see the smallest shift in her expression. the twinkle in her eye, so to speak.

"we have a surprise for your class, but we thought we'd tell you about it first!" junko is filled to the brim with infectious excitement.

sometimes, her moods are like a disease. he can't help but feel it, too.

junko switches to her more...domineering personality, for lack of a better term. she gives the air of somebody who will do anything to get what she wants. which, of course, junko is. to deny enoshima junko what she wants is to commit suicide.

"komaeda." junko tilts nagito's chin up a bit and stares directly into his eyes. "are you familiar with the power of despair?"

* * *

"oh, komaeda-kun!"

junko skips up to komaeda with the nicest smile on her face. komaeda will never tell her - what if she thinks it's weird? - but she has such a wonderful smile, with dazzling teeth like stars. "there's someone i want you to meet."

the name he hears will change his life. not that he could ever guess.

"this is kamukura izuru."


End file.
